I don't know that you'll ever realize or believe how much I loved you. I know you don't REALLY believe in that kind of love, but it's real... I felt/feel it for you. It's definitely a tangible feeling. So is the pain of your absence. I'm still confused. I'd like to say I've accepted it, but I'm clearly still afflicted by the loss, so that can't be entirely true. Honestly, I should be happy. I should be grateful for the life I have. All my friends say I should enjoy the newfound "freedom". But it's not the same. I felt freest with you. Everything was great as soon as you were back by my side. Nothing's the same. Food is bland. Work isn't as fulfilling. I don't even know what fun is anymore. It all feels so "meh". I know how horrible this sounds. I know how pathetic it seems. I'm sure the helpless bystanders that have to endure this drivel are throwing up in their mouths while their eyes bleed. I know how you guys feel, but fuck you.
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I miss you more every day. You'll always be my little Leslie Ludgate, whether you like it or not. I really do love and miss your everything. I wish I truly knew what changed your mind about us. I know you didn't tell me the truth about what you were feeling/thinking. I forgive you though. You're too stubborn to do so, but you're always welcome to reach out. Love ya monkey.